You’re unhappy or you’re bored.

You can’t just pay attention to me and make it feel like I matter then completely bail. What the sweet fucking shit is wrong with people? WHY would you EVER start speaking to me in the first place? Do I SOMEHOW not scream crazy? Because I should. I’m that special kind that’s only like 30% so I can hide it and I seem normal but only when compared to a higher percentage.

Is this just MEANT to happen to me once a year?

It’ll stop if I stop trying. But then what’s the point of being afraid of being alive? My own version of alive.

Do you not realize what you’ve done? You must not. Which is worse than someone who does this on purpose because it makes them feel powerful. I’ve dealt with that. Of course I have, probability and all, my innate inability to NEVER LET GO OF ANYTHING.

I ask my therapist all the time when I’ll stop being angry. He says depression and anxiety turned onwards manifest as anger. Drinking comes from a lack of control at some point in your life.


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