And what did we LEARN from this experience, Cassie?

I’ve wondered that a lot recently. I’m sorry I haven’t been blogging as much. There’s good reason for that. I’m seeing a therapist once a week, and I’m editing my book with the full intenion of publishing within the year. This keeps me busy. And IDK, I’d rather talk about some shit with Dave than on this blog.

But, I’ll be honest. I straight up regret being so forward with book club guy. Because I really like the book club, and I’m going to keep going, and just make a HUGE effort to be non-flirty (you know, like females have OODLES of practice with, when you’re around a creeper you don’t want getting any ~ideas~) and deal with how embarrassed I am, on the inside, where all my feelings are.
The book we’re reading for our next meeting (Fooled by Randomness) is SO GOOD. It’s making me feel like i did in school, only without any of the HORRIBLENESS that comes alone with all of that. Like I sort of regret getting my master’s. I could have gotten the job I currently have with the school and work experience I had attained by the age of 22 when I graduated with my bachelor’s. I’m SO in debt from it. Like…aside from about half of freshman and sophomore year….I paid for TWO degrees in ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND LITERATURE with federal student loans. Yeah. I better hope and pray that Elizabeth Warren is elected. We’ll see.

I keep getting too drunk on weekdays. On October 24th, I got so wasted (I drank 2 16oz Coors Lights, then a rum and Pepsi, then a vodka cranberry, then quite a few sips of straight gin, then a 12oz Labatt blue, then at home probably 2 more 16oz Coors Lights) I woke up at 1am October 25th and proceeded to do what I like to call the alcoholic’s double whammy, where alcoholic intake causes you to shit and vomit at the precisely same moment. I don’t like discussing such matters, Rabbelasian humor DOES NOT do it for me…but it’s what happened. I guess I had a really bad combo happening. My husband was genuinely worried. I mean, I was sobbing over how much my head hurt. It was throbbing that badly. And the other stuff. It was not ideal. I called in on a Friday. This is not done where I work. I couldn’t help it. On Monday, no one asked about me. It’s possible everyone knows I’m an alcoholic. I CERTAINLY don’t try to hide it. I mean why?

I just need to eat. It’s SO funny how ingesting food after drinking before sleep makes such a boatload of difference. For me, that’s what does it, along with your regular high end dental and skin care pre-sleeping. Like the people who get too drunk and don’t brush their teeth…can’t relate. It doesn’t matter HOW fucked up I am…that shit is happening. Of course, if you wake and vomit during the night, BE CAREFUL. Sometimes brushing your teeth after will trigger another vomiting session. Better to rinse and spit with water, and deal with the rest later when you’re not puking. Alco tip number 290. And TAKE YOUR FUCKING MAKEUP OFF. OMG that irritates me. It’s bad for all your eyelashes to sleep in mascara, they clump and pull out much easier, and DON’T get me started on what sleeping in foundation or concealer of any kind does to your pores. Think about it. Bleh. Have some dignity. Plus like, I’m 31, I’m moisturizing every night, face AND NECK. I think I know why people loathe the word moist so much, it’s the world’s GROSSEST onomatopoeia. Think about it. Plus why EVER say ointment when you could use balm or salve in its place? Like really.

IDK. I think my book is amazing. Every time I read it, I really like it. And I’ve read it about 4 dozen times, at least, no exaggeration. Could you imagine if it does well? I mean, what if a lot of people end up reading it? I plan on sending a copy to the Professor I’ve always been infatuated with, with a note saying it would mean the world to me if he could ever find the time to read the book I self-published. Who knows if anything will come of it. These are my signing off thoughts. So frequently I think about how I should be ashamed of myself…but I never am.

Love you

~Cassie

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