See the issue is, I HAVE been writing blogs. But I keep getting really personal and obsessive and…all right just say it, hateful, like I’m good at being. So I’m like…right, no one needs to see this. So. Here goes a blog I’m not like “Yikes” about.
MY BOOK IS AT THE PUBLISHER. Let’s just lead with the best part. I took out a loan between Christmas and New Years, and now it’s all gone, I spend $3200 on Bookbaby alone. I get proofs sometime between February 18 and 26. I paid those fools $550 to design a DELUXE cover, whatever that means. I’m excited to see how that looks, it best not be cheap looking. Formatting is so expensive too. And my book is so damn long that it costs a lot to print. I mean that only makes sense..no? So soon I will have my precious proofs! Then not long after that, it’ll all be live online! EEE! March 14th is the first Amazon day. They force you to have a 90 day presale. Right. People are dying to pre-buy a book from an unknown author, and their first self-published book at that. I really want an audio book version, but like…I don’t feel up to the task, and I don’t think I could afford a good voice actor….idk. Anyway. That’s moving forward.
There is ONE MORE TEST I need before they can tell me my fertility is 100% where it needs to be. There are so many freakin’ tests. I’m going tomorrow. After my OB GYN calls me with those results, as long as they’re good she’ll prescribe Clomid, which makes you ovulate a bunch of eggs. Then you try Clomid for 6 months or so, and if you’re not pregnant from that period then they try something else. So that’s where that’s at. We are using THE SHIT out of our health insurance. We’ve had, between the two of us, about three dozen appointments since the 1st of the year. You’d think we were severely ailing, as my Grandma would say. Like on Saturday I went to the eye doctor, I got an exam, a shot of the back of my eye (I have an irregular right optic nerve and I get hella worried it’ll get worse, though it’s probably congenital and has never changed), a contact fitting (along with 12 pairs of one-day contacts and 1 pair of non RX colored contacts. I used to wear violet contacts, when I refused to wear glasses because I was a young, vain thing. Now i need the comfort and cheapness and convenience of glasses. Plus IDK they make you look smarter), and a new pair of glasses because my old ones are too strong for $94. We pay for the best eye insurance. It’s our only “gold level” insurance. Health and dental are both “silver” which isn’t bad, of course, but isn’t dope ass gold. So it was nice, I’m getting super cute red cat eye glasses, they’re actually Coach. And let me tell you, I surely don’t care about that, but maybe that means they’ll last a long time? I’ve been shocked that some designer things are actually BETTER than the cheaper versions. You know what I mean. Like every Christmas I get a new designer purse that my husband picks up at the outlet mall in Birch Run. And it will literally last until the next Christmas. A cheap ass purse from Target or Meijer or Walmart would NOT last like that. They literally just fall apart, on several levels, not to mention they looks shoddy and make you seem a bit of a mess until you replace them. There are certainly some “designer” things that needn’t exist (like socks and underwear, IMO) but yeah, perfume and purses aren’t on that list.
So I’m excited about my Coach glasses (I’ve always wanted red glasses, I already have blue and black and brown, green and purple and RX sunglasses are also on the want list) but keep in mind I have never nor will I ever own a Coach purse. If I got one I would give it to my mom, as having such an item would mean a GREAT deal to her, and IDGAF. Never in my life have I spent more than $50 on a purse, and even that is really pushing it. I don’t see the point. They’re so functional, and go so many places, why spend shit tons on something that will inevitably be befallen with misfortune? But whatever different people like different shit, i get it. I’m snooty as hell about certain things.
Then, I got the wild idea to do our taxes. Now my husband and I have gotten fucked over real good on taxes, before. Like when he had a landscaping job that deducted NO federal taxes….that sucked. And this year he had untaxed income from a freelance job to report AND nearly $1000 in tips from work that he had to report. BUT the good news….in Michigan if you rent, you get about a month’s rent back ($868 vs a $920 rent), and of course student loan interest ($4200 last year) is a write off….for a decade…then those cocks take it away. AND of course, HALF of my husband’s income went towards health insurance. Literally. Hence our obsessively using the insurance whilst we have it. And then, I realized as I was doing the taxes…I needed to claim writing expenses. I paid for Microsoft Word and an editor and a publisher in 2019. My husband bought a used laptop to do his freelance job. These are write offs. Sadly, I have to wait until next year to claim the actual cost of publishing, as I did that at the end of last month. But still. And I’ve made NO money off of my book…yet…so it’s not like I had taxes to pay on that. I’m soon to be one of those people waiting for tiny royalties to trickle in.
Speaking of that. I have a young coworker, someone you want to define as a “good kid”, she’s like early twenties, just a genuinely nice person. Her mom wrote a romance. Your standard historical erotica romance novel. It’s on Amazon so I bought it, when it’s price went down. I told coworker, who was like “Oh she’ll be so excited, when she published none of her friends read it and she got really sad about it.”
I was like OMG THAT IS SO SAD. I will be sure to leave her a good review when I’m done. I will genuinely read it. I can’t at work though, it has your standard dude with submissive woman in his arms situation on the cover. Surprisingly, the model in the picture is really flat-chested. You’d think they’d find someone with big tits for that specific, corseted shot, but whatever.
I like leaving good reviews. I did two on Saturday. One for a friend trying to build an online petsitting business. Someone I know who had at least one child as a result of Clomid…so…that’s encouraging I guess.
So that’s pretty much all that’s going on with me. Book nearly published. Still attempting to have a kid.
Oh yeah, add to the list, DESPERATELY want to get out of my rental house and this area and my current job. Even though it’s been over two weeks since I submitted to the publisher and therefore didn’t have a book to work on (SO WEIRD…I mean there’s the next book in the series and of course I have tons of out of orders scenes of that one already written, but the urgency/need to work at it every day isn’t there, of course), I really haven’t had the time to look for other jobs, let alone apply. It’s a tiring, terrible process, and trying to do so after work is the worst. Especially this last week I was on my period, which for me, sans birth control, is a 7 day extravaganza with EXTREME fatigue as the hallmark symptom. So bad week for job searching overall. And this weekend I had to catch up on cleaning that been long neglected. Last weekend, my first one of freedom, was kind of tied up because we went to Castaway Bay for the night on Saturday. It was fun. We got super pissed at each other because we didn’t know what TF to do when trying to find the restaurant I’d booked our fancy celebration dinner at. The trip was to celebrate Felix’s long life with us and the completion of my first book. But other than that, the night was good. It was alarming because the restaurant is literally inside Cedar Point, like you have to go past the gates, which look barricaded off and has all these ominous signs about being under surveillance, and then you’re RIGHT on the water, like veer off to the left even a little and your vehicle is in the fucking black, frigid water of Lake Erie in the winter. And we weren’t plastered but we’d been drinking, so a cop inquiring what we were up to was unideal. But Waze insisted on us continuing. We called the restaurant and they further explained. Their website could be clearer on this situation. If you know the Sandusky amusement park, this restaurant is across the entrance driveway from the Gemini. I remember that old thing from when I went to C.P. I only ever went with my church. Once ever June a bus of kids from the youth group went down for the day. We also did a few bus trips to Shipshewana and back, over the years. I guess we were pretty adept at poor people fun. More on that.
So Castaway Bay was fun, but also expensive and a lot of driving, and then it’s KIND of a bummer to be at a place so clearly intended for children and families. But we like indoor water parks. And I think it was clear we were there for good times and not being pervy. There were enough solo adult males to make me wonder about others, though.
So I did our taxes. And the amount we got back did what happens to poor people’s brains when they get money. It’s the cause of the phenomenon when someone who doesn’t have money gets some and BLOWS it with shocking quickness. See Buscemi’s Tony in The Sopranos when he finds a huge bag of drugs and money after someone tosses it from a car window in an attempt to evade the police. He leaves the drugs, but the 10s of thousands of dollars is gone in like…a week, before ridiculous suits and extreme gambling. Dude just got out of prison and wants to live.
See, poor people spend so much time and energy and thought (at least…some do) into thinking about things they’d want or do if they had the resources, that it’s quite easy to burn through a wealth of cash in a matter of weeks rather than years.
I’ve already “spent” half of the tax return I technically don’t have yet. I guess I am gambling, and I typically don’t like gambling. Oh well.
I spent it on $163 of jewelry I impulse bought while drunk last night after doing the taxes.
I spent it on $425 to the Bavarian Inn for two nights in their Honeymoon Suite for the night before and night of my 32nd birthday. This is my tenth birthday with my husband.
I spent $160 on Amazon on three books (Salome, The Bell Jar, Where the Crawdads Sing), two articles of clothing (Sleeveless black dress and black pencil skirt), one pair of boots (low heel, light gray, calf length), one fun piece of lingerie for my bday weekend, and five board games (we only own one, time-consuming Monopoly, so I bought Battleship, Clue, Candyland, Yahtzee and Sorry! We like playing board games and watching Youtube music video compilations. It’s fun. And sometimes you need a break from the same three streaming services. Lol listen to me complain. Child me, who was restricted to my father’s selection of historical, war-related VHSs and little else beyond the Disney movies of my earliest youth would be appalled. I’ve seen Dances with Wolves WAY too many times.)
So. Yeah. That’s how easy it is. The clothing and boots are for work. I wouldn’t buy dress (by my standard) clothing for no reason. I didn’t the years I worked retail. I think that’s why I already wear a dress or a skirt to work. I enjoy it. I like having a reason to own heels. It’s nice to remember that you can wear what you want, and feel how you want about yourself in certain articles, and you’re not pushing femininity any further down that downward spiral its so on. Like strippers, who take advantage of that spiral but also perpetuate it. The games are for fun. I am running kind of low on books to read..so….
It’ll be nice to do something fun and different for my birthday. And Bavarian Inn has some waterpark ish attractions, like huge slides, and then they have 5 pools and 1 is adults only, and like 3 hot tubs, and 1 is again adults only. And oh yeah, it’s the Honeymoon Suite so there’s a king bed with a balcony with a cheesy German style balcony overlooking the river and there’s a huge whirlpool bathtub with a mirror above it RIGHT next to the bed. I’ve never stayed in such a hotel room, but I know they exist. That’s one thing we like doing, staying in super fancy hotels, even if they’re nearby and only for one night. So that’ll be dope. And then we have the lakeview cabin booked for the weekend right after Labor day weekend. Our actual anniversary weekend was all booked up, somehow, already, so we were like well fuck it, it’s way more likely to be warmer and summer like at the beginning of September anyway. We might actually get to use the lake. Last time we just had to entertain ourselves with the many hiking trails, which we did, because we both love that shit, except I got upset with him when we got lost, and one time when he was being rude about me “wasting” weed. But hopefully come September we’re living somewhere else and I have a different job. And I’ll be that dick who takes time off right after they start. Oh well.
So I have two vacations planned for the year. Maybe I’ll sneak in a Chicago weekend again. That is fun, in the summer. Fuck that city in the winter. Michigan is bad enough. Then in March I’m getting my permanent eyeliner touched up I mean it’s an organic pigment tattoo, it’s going to fade. And I barely get any sun. I guess I rub my eyes a lot. But i took a four day weekend for that this time. Your eyes are SO swollen and gooey for a few days after. It’s bad. You look like you’ve been crying nonstop for days. But your perfect eyeliner though. It’s worth it, but boy does it suck.
Anyway, I need to finish my Valentine’s Day crafts, because you know I make those. And then I need to apply for jobs for a bit.
I’ve lost 20 pounds so far. I have 30 more to go. I want to weight what I weighed when I got married 6 years ago. Isn’t that insane to hear me say? I rarely admit such things. Yet it always burns at the back of my mind that if he were around my father would DEFINITELY comment on my weight gain, probably every time I say him. That’s how he is. My god he never let it drop with my poor mother. Anyway. I haven’t been to see Dave alone in a week, and I’m not seeing him this week because I have a regular doctor appointment instead, because my headaches seem to be worse. I’ve never vomited from a migraine before, just had nausea. I left work at noon the next day because I was worried it would happen again. Fricking stupid. So I have TWO doctors appointments next week, and yesterday I just maxed out the ol’ vision insurance. Oh yeah, now that I have my husband’s common ass last name, there’s someone else registered at my optometrist with the same name as me AND the same birthday. I’m not shocked, a lot of people are born in April, and his last name is the Smith of Germany.
Sunday afternoon. Bleh. Next weekend is pretty far off. This is a week of waiting. At least there’s Valentine’s Day. We’re not doing gifts, we’re getting dumplings. It’s a big deal, we typically only get them on Valentine’s Day.
Hope all is well.